Scan 27
Musical Courier 1901-12-25: Vol 43 Iss 1135, 1901
86 lines. Read by computer on 26 September 2026. Printed page 28. See the scan on archive.org.
1December 2, 1901.
3Y recent contribution to these columns, entitled "Herr Professor," has called forth some peppery comment in Berlin. I have received several letters, signed and unsigned, from local teachers and their pupils. The letters were in the highest degree complimentary. Summarizing their contents, I find that I am young, that I know nothing, and that I am unfair.
5To the first of these charges I might reply with the famous words of Burke, "The crime of youth is one that I can neither palliate nor deny." The second accusation I pass over in modest silence; against the third I here-with set down a protest loud and long.
7One man writes: "You parody the hard working music teacher. How about your American compatriots—particularly female—who come to Berlin and help render the life of the piano teacher a burden? Has the picture no reverse? Is there no other side? Are you blinded by patriotism or prejudice?"
9The picture has a reverse, and there is another side. I tried to present it elsewhere, some time ago, and I present it again here, now. We might call the picture.
11Ma and Miranda.
13[PERSONAGES: Prof. X., a prominent piano teacher in Berlin. Miranda, from Oatville, U. S. A. Ma, from the same place. SCENE: The Professor's studio.]
15PROF. X.—"Come in." (The door opens, and Ma sweeps in, followed by Miranda.)
16MA—"Are you Professor X.?"
17PROF.—"I am." (Bows and waits expectantly.)
18MA (Bustles up to Prof. X. and shakes his hand effusively)—"I'm so glad to see you. I've come all the way from Oatville, U. S. A., just to speak to you."
19PROF.—"Indeed! Won't you be seated, Madame?"
20MA—"Well, Miranda, aren't you going to shake hands with the Professor, your new teacher?"
21PROF.—"My dear Madame, it seems to me—"
22MA—"Shake hands, I say, Miranda." (Miranda timidly approaches Prof. X. and shakes hands with him.)
23MA—"So, there. It didn't hurt, did it, Miranda?"
24MIRANDA—"No'm." (Both laugh loudly.)
25PROF.—"If you would permit me to—"
26MA—"Of course you've heard of my daughter?"
28PROF.—"I cannot say that I have. If you will allow me to—"
29MA (With rising voice)—"You haven't heard of Miranda Jones, known to all the papers as 'Musical Miranda'?"
30PROF.—"You see, here we read only important—er—that is, I should say, large—"
31MA—"Why, it was in both Oatville papers."
32PROF.—"Might I ask—"
33MA—"They said Miranda is the most musical genius in our State."
34PROF.—"I'm glad to hear it, I'm sure, but—"
35MA (Severely)—"The Messenger called her the first flowering bud of our sprouting musical tree."
36MIRANDA (Correcting)—"Plant, Ma."
37MA (Witheringly)—"That was in the Witness. 'A rare musical plant that in our fertile musical atmosphere has developed like new potatoes under the early spring sun.'"
38PROF. (Meekly)—"Just one moment. I should like to know—"
39MA—"Are your hands warm, darling?"
40MIRANDA—"Yes, Ma."
41MA—"You might play something then for the professor."
42MIRANDA (Opens piano, and preludes on the C major arpeggio).
43MA (Beaming)—"She always does that before she plays. Here are your notes, dear."
44PROF. (Sinks into chair.)
45MA—"Hasn't she a fine position?"
46PROF. (Wearily)—"Very good."
47MA—"She's nervous playing for such a great man as you."
48MIRANDA (Whose start has not been very successful)—"It always takes me some time to work into a piece right."
49MA (Nervously)—"Take it easy, sweetheart; there's no hurry."
50MIRANDA (In serious difficulties, but struggling bravely)—"I don't understand it; this part went fine at home."
51PROF. (Rises)—"Never mind that passage."
52MIRANDA (Tearfully)—"Only yesterday I did it great."
53MA (Soothingly)—"Let it go, darling. I always said that mean run don't really belong in the piece. Play something else. Play your own composition for the professor."
54PROF. (Hurriedly)—"One moment. Allow me a few questions first. I should like to test your ear. (Seats himself at piano, and strikes chord.) "What is that?"
55MIRANDA (Promptly)—"Notes."
56MA (Triumphantly)—"You can't corner my Miranda."
57PROF. (Smiles)—"They are notes indeed, but what particular combination of notes; that is the question. Is this the chord of C major or C minor?"
58MIRANDA (At random)—"C major."
59MA (Observing Prof. X.'s face)—"Think, Miranda. You are always so quick with your answers."
60PROF. (Kindly)—"Come, now, C major or C minor?"
61MIRANDA (Confidently)—"C minor."
62MA (With anticipatory look at Prof. X.)—"I knew she'd get it right."
63PROF. (Dryly)—"It happens to be wrong. It's the chord of D major."
64MA (Flustered)—"You have such a funny way of asking questions."
65PROF. (Plays E flat scale)—"What is this?"
66MIRANDA—"A scale."
67PROF.—"Correct."
68MA—"Isn't she just fine?"
69PROF.—"Which scale is it?"
70MIRANDA (Gazes blankly at Ma).
71MA—"Would you play it again, please, Professor?"
72PROF.—"Certainly." (Plays it.)
73MIRANDA (Begins to cry)—"I never—boo—hoo—could remember—boo—hoo—the names of those scales."
74PROF.—"With whom did you study, Miranda?"
75MA (Quickly)—"She never had a lesson in all her life. She learnt it all herself."
76PROF.—"How long have you been playing, Miranda?"
77MA (As before)—"Ever since she was two years old. Used to climb on her father's knee so that she could reach the piano, and she was so musical she played on the black notes, too."
78PROF. (Really)—"Really? Quite astonishing. Tell me, Mrs. Jones, why did you come to me? I take only advanced pupils, and I charge 20 marks per lesson."
79MA (Gasps)—"Twenty marks? Why, that's $5! Old Prof. Crabcider used to teach Miranda for 50 cents an hour."
80PROF.—"I thought you said Miranda never had a teacher?"
81MA (Confused)—"Well, she—she never really took lessons. He just showed her things. We can't pay your price. I'll give you $1 a lesson."
82PROF. (Stiffly)—"I never teach for less than 20 marks. Besides, I could not take your daughter under any circumstances. She is not advanced enough, and what is more, she never will be. She hasn't one grain of musical talent, and she—"
83MA (Hysterically)—"Miranda, Miranda—did you hear that? Not advanced—no talent; well, I never, really, that's what we paid $120 for; to come here and be told by a long haired, chicken faced foreigner—and you stand there and say nothing, Miranda?—that's the reward of playing in concerts and being told that you are a potato that buds—a bud that buds in the—the impudence of some people is too much for words, and I only hope that your pupils are as talented as Miranda, who has played in thirty-one concerts, fourteen of which were for charity and one for George Washington, that is on his birthday, and then asking $5 for a lesson—why don't you ask $50; it's the same thing, and you'd be as likely to get it, and—and—you ought to be ashamed of yourself."
84MIRANDA—"Come, Ma."
85MA—"I'm only too glad to. Here's your music. You better not forget it or you won't see it again. Come, darling."
The computer misreads some letters and numbers. Where a name matters to you, read the scan.