Scan 35
Musical Courier 1895-11-06: Vol 31 Iss 818, 1895
85 lines. Read by computer on 22 September 2026. Printed page 36. See the scan on archive.org.
1it, but beautiful. It isn't every man, you know, who thinks he is greater than Shakespeare, but Jake was always of that opinion. Some years ago, when I met him at Kalamazoo, where he made speeches at dime museums introducing the artists, he told me one evening after one of the shows that if he could get a Boston, New York or Dallas publishing house to issue only the first volume of his poems the firm would bust, but his fortune would be made. At that time he gave me some of his poems, and a few are sent herewith. See the first:
3TO MY POCKETBOOK.
4Time and again I've filled you up,
5Yet always are you empty;
6Is it because you've filled me up?
7For I, too, am so empty.
9Chorus—
10Empty, empty, empty let us be,
11We're always full or empty;
12It's surely because it's we,
13The piano men are tired—
14Why shouldn't they be so?
15So let's fill up, fill up again,
16For empty we soon shall be.
18Jake said a publisher once sprained his foot after reading that book; he just missed Jake as he made a break for the door. Jake said to me: "Say, if that man would have landed on me I would have been obliged to eat my breakfast off the mantle piece for at least two weeks." Jake's masterpiece, which, he says, has frequently been declared by him to excel anything Shakespeare ever writ, is a poem dedicated to Amor, the god of love. It is, of course, called Love, and requires the position due to so many great Lyrics. I ask permission herewith to reprint it:
20LOVE.
21My darling girl is fond of noodle,
22I love her verbena breath;
23In contrast to her, with me it's boodle,
24And yet I love her to death.
25Among her pets is a very neat poodle;
26I love him, for I love her.
27Yet more than poodle I do love boodle—
28What is love without love—r?
29Noodle, poodle, poodle, noodle,
30I love you both and more;
31Yet noodle, poodle, and poodle, noodle,
32Boodle I do adore.
33But I
34Can't
35Get
36Any
37More.
38(Signed) JAKE FAKE.
40Jake had that poem copyrighted, but forgot to put the fee for the Librarian of Congress into the application, so it's vitiated and you can print it. If you do, please send me a lot of papers. I want to send them to my wife's relatives and other people I love so much. Jake's going to write a new play now. He had so much success talking about his first play, which went all to smash the first night it was first played out, that he is going to write another. This one is to be called: "True Sterility," or my "Individual Milky Way." This refers especially to the people he has milked. Then he has a long comedy ready (soon) in which the episodes of his life constitute the focus. It will be called "The Printer's Ninth Demand," or "Death on the Press." This stops suddenly, breaks off as it were, and the hero skips.
42Another piece is called "A Dream off the Coast." This represents four men and a boy in a sunken boat just as the curtain rises. One of the four men smokes. The others and the boy have no cigars or pipes. Jake is the hero. He is dressed like a woman, because he must represent a fleeing debtor. In the next act nothing happens. The hero, Pelegaser Porcine, runs away with another heiress who is a cash girl in a wet goods store. Her father-in-law and a dozen other relatives come to board with him. A bailiff appears and they all take trips across the Continent.
44In the next or last act we reach the Pacific. Jake says he is the first man to introduce the Pacific in a drama. A mutiny arises and no one leaves for the unknown place where Captain Kidd's treasure is buried. The hero dies on a sandy beach and as he has nothing on his person to identify him he is taken to Potter's Field. As there is no fourth act everybody goes out, but most of them ask at the ticket office to have their money refunded. They cannot get it. Jake's royalties consumed it all. He has a cash balance of $2.03 in bank now, but he don't know it.
46Yours,
47M. T. POCCE.
49Norris & Hyde Transposing Keyboard Piano.
50(By Norris & Hyde.)
51TWO IMPORTANT IMPROVEMENTS IN PIANOS.
53WE do not claim to make the best piano in the world. What we do claim is to manufacture an instrument both mechanically and musically the equal of any, and to have added improvements which, other things being equal, make our piano more to be desired than others—even those of equal grade.
55OUR PATENT TRANSPOSING KEYBOARD.
56This improvement is a movable keyboard, which transposes a full chromatic octave. By its use the performer, while playing the same keys, or the music as written, is enabled to transpose it into any other key by the slightest effort, and in a second of time, the keyboard being shifted by a simple mechanism, with a lever within easy reach of the performer while sitting at the piano.
58The keyboard may be immediately set so the pitch will be in unison with the singer's voice, or with the violin or any instrument, and is therefore highly suitable for use, not only in private homes, but also in churches, concert halls and theatres.
60The capacity for remaining in tune is not affected in the slightest degree, and the mechanism is of so simple a character that there is absolutely no liability of its derangement or of its getting out of order, nor is the action affected in any way.
62This ingenious invention enables vocalists to practice any music not written for their particular compass, thus opening up an entirely new field of delightful study.
64For teachers of voice our piano when once seen becomes an indispensable convenience. All songs need be kept only in one key for all the different voices, thus making quite a saving in the annual cost of music. Then again, the great amount of classical solos, including arias and recitatives from the standard operas and oratorios, which are written in but one key, can be used to assist in the training of other voices than those whose compass reaches the extremes of pitch often occurring in this class of music. Other advantages innumerable present themselves the more one contemplates the subject, until the teacher of voice wonders how his profession has managed so long without this great invention.
66But not only in public places and for professional people are the advantages of this improvement apparent. In every home the greater part of the use for pleasure or recreation to which the piano is put is for accompaniment to the voice. In every instance where the family or friends get together to have a little singing some song is found to be too high or too low for the singer's vocal range, and much embarrassment results. With our piano no such difficulty ever occurs. If the song be too high, move the keyboard down; if too low, move it up. A small indicator in plain sight shows exactly how it is to be placed.
68OUR PATENT NON-SQUEAKING PEDAL ACTION.
69In addition to having made the piano a perfect accompanying instrument, we have succeeded in absolutely eliminating the greatest annoyance in all pianos—the squeaking pedals. Everyone who has ever used a piano has been annoyed time out of mind with this grievance. All this is entirely done away with in the Norris & Hyde piano. Other manufacturers have made futile attempts in this direction, but our instrument contains the only perfect non-squeaking pedal action in existence.
71In addition to the foregoing invaluable points of peculiar merit in these pianos please note the following:
73OUR SCALE
74has been perfected by over a quarter century of improvement, at the hands of the most skillful scientific workmen, until
76THE QUALITY OF TONE
77is pure, deep and sympathetic, of great volume and strength, possessing a singing quality peculiarly its own, and admirably adapted to the voice.
79WARRANTY.
80All Norris & Hyde pianos are guaranteed against any defects appearing in either workmanship or material. A copy of the guaranty appears on the last page of the catalogue.
82IN CONCLUSION.
83While the foregoing brief description gives a partial idea of the many advantages of our transposing keyboard, our non-squeaking pedal action, and of the high grade of piano we make, the instruments themselves must be seen to be fully appreciated; and we invite the most critical inspection of all professional people and all prospective piano purchasers. Respectfully, NORRIS & HYDE
842249 to 2261 Washington street, Boston, Mass.
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